The last few weeks have been really effing hard.

Along with the stress of dealing with covid, the financial impact is still being figured out.

There are many days where I just nap because I can’t deal with the stress.

I’ve been on edge and I’m arguing with people when normally I wouldn’t.

Then to top that off, it seems like everyone else has got their billion friend zoom meetings and House Party invites and what not figured out and it’s got me feeling really isolated. Social media in general is terrible for comparison but in quarantine gets worse because it’s hard to go out there and do the things you want.

I’m absolutely lucky that I still have a job and my health is intact.

There are many on the front lines that have had their careers and health decimated.

The financial, emotional and health toll is stil yet to be realized.

I can’t even imagine what it’s like when I hear stories of people losing loved ones, doctors, nurses, delivery folks, and more because they can’t work from home.

Stages of grief

While the first few weeks there was denial and then anger, somehow I found a way to move in to acceptance. I’m completely grateful for our team and my friends and coaches who have been there through this struggle that I know so many have gone through. I’ve talked to strangers, old friends, new friends in more much more deeper and connected ways than ever before. Having close friends and family makes a huge difference. If you are struggling and want connection, reach out to me. I will do my best to listen. There also many support groups created right now to help people connect virtually. Online therapy can be amazing right now but also just tallking to a human is so much needed.

It’s ok not to be okay.

There are many days where I have no idea what I’m doing. Or whether we’re going make it.

I have no clue what I’m doing but I also know I don’t need to figure everything out. It’s ok to go even easier on yourself right now.

We’re surviving a world wide pandemic.

I don’t want to give up.

I can’t give up. This too shall pass and no matter how long it takes, I can’t let go of my positivity. I need it now more than ever to survive.

Honestly I don’t know what choice I have. While somedays I just want to hide and zone out, there are days where I find my old, positive self coming back. We’re thinking of solutions to fix the problems we are facing, people are banding together, and now more than ever, helpers are coming out of the wood work. Positivity is the fuel that keeps us going.

Who knows what the future may bring?

Worrying about it now is just another form of anxiety. I need to survive today. This week. I need to take care of my body and my mind and make sure I can get through the day. Things don’t have to be perfect and I don’t need to have an answer.

Just breathe. Then do it again. And keep doing it until you feel ready to do whatever you need to take care of yourself.